Speak Your Truth: Become the Graceful Warrior
“Stop telling people it’s ok when it’s not. Stop telling people I’ll think about it when you already know the answer. Stop telling people yes when you want to say no. Stop self-betraying by being passive. Instead, start taking ownership by being assertive.” -Minna B.
This is how we become the graceful warrior: We set boundaries with both grace and strength. Try this amazing Graceful Warrior Sequence with Yoga Journal Influencer, Sofiah Thom, to tap into your own inner Graceful Warrior!
There are 3 types of communication: Passive, aggressive, and Assertive. Being passive means we don’t speak up and therefore don’t get our needs met. Being aggressive means we may interrupt or even explode on the person. Not many of us were taught growing up how to be assertive, but it’s the healthiest form of communication. Being assertive can be difficult. Using the right amount of assertiveness can help you to communicate honestly and clearly.
Here are some tips for being more assertive and activating your Graceful Warrior Archetype:
Clarify your point of view
Be direct in what you’re asking for, stating your feelings by using “I statements”: “I feel sad when you did that/said that because and this is what I need (I need you to slow down when you’re talking to me because then I don’t feel attacked”. Try to speak in a normal, calm tone without making demands.
Maintain eye contact
When we avoid eye contact, we are demonstrating to the other person that we don’t really want to be connected with them. The other person will respond to you more if you maintain eye contact about 70% of the time. Don’t stare or that can come across as aggressive or angry. This will tell them you respect and are interested in them.
Create positive non-verbal communication
Believe it or not, we also communicate with our body! If you maintain an upright, relaxed posture in which you’re leaning forward towards the other person without getting too close, uncrossing all body parts, with your affect neutral or positive, relaxed jaw, and no dramatic gestures, this will help you create positive communication toward the person you’re interacting with! With that, you’ll be less likely to get a defensive reaction from them in response.
Take some space
If you are highly triggered or become easily emotional in the face of a stressful situation, try to wait until you’re calmer. It is difficult to stay calm at times, but if you emotionally regulate first (by going for a walk, doing some dishes, taking a bubble bath), you’re less likely to react. If you go in with your weapons up, you’re much more likely to get into a fight (you’re already on the defense).
Avoid accusing and communicate your needs in a positive way
When you point a finger at someone else, you’ve got 3 fingers pointing back at you! In other words, take some self-inventory and try not to blame. This will only end in the other person being put on the defense. Use ‘I’ statements instead of ‘you’ statements. Try communicating your needs in a positive way. Instead of saying “You never come home from work and ask me how my day was; you always talk about yourself,” say “I would love it if we could connect tonight at some point.” Instead of saying “You always go out with your friends”, say “I feel excluded and would like to go out with you and your friends” or “I’d like for us to stay home tonight and make dinner together”.
You Have Choices. Instead of trying to change people, recognize that you have choices:
1. Accept them for who they are and adjust your expectations.
2. Set clear boundaries.
3. Walk away. You’re never stuck in dealing with people you don’t want to deal with.”
